I have many things to say – so how is it, sometimes, many times in fact, when I sit down to write something, nothing comes to mind? My inspiration and idea making machine, you know, my brain, seems constipated with worries, stresses and inner tirades.
So, I decided, screw it, I’m going to write about my worries, stresses and inner tirades. Maybe the only way to un-constipate my wee brain is to provide it with an outlet. My problem is, this is a public forum, and some of my worries are private. This leaves me with a dilemma. It is the same dilemma that I often have when it comes to writing.
Let’s face it, a lot of my writing is personal. It’s about my opinions and my life, and I have had a wide, varied, life; and I have many many opinions (often contradicting ones at that). Some of the things I want to write about involves others – so where is the line? How does one fully, authentically express themselves, like they want to do, in a public space, without offending others? And, as a writer, should I care? I mean, I want to be a published author one day – that’s REALLY public. Right now only a few wary souls tread this web space and actually read things – what would happen if I was published and anyone could see it?
There is a part of me that thinks one has to be fearless, brave, and not care how it lands for others in their lives – they are masters of their own actions and fates. How their actions may have impacted me is something they have to deal with I suppose. But there is another part of me that cares how it feels for others, to be exposed to what I have to say, to what my experiences in life have been.
Maybe this is why people become fictional writers. It’s easier to write fictional characters and maybe hide the non fictional elements of life, within that very fiction.
So I’m stuck here, trying to figure out what to do, what to say, what’s appropriate, what isn’t, if thinking about what is appropriate is actually the appropriate thing to do – and if the word appropriate should be banned from my language use, just as much as “should” should be.
The whole writing dilemma leaves me wanting chocolate. Shame it is that I’m on a diet. Bah – I have to be stifled in that desire also.
Any writers out there with opinions? I’d be happy to entertain them. My friends say I should just write – but I wonder if they would keep saying that if they were the ones being written about?
I think I’ll have that chocolate after all. Something has to give here, maybe the sugar high will give me some fantastical, fictional inspiration and I could just stop worrying. Of course no chocolate before hand has ever provided such inspiration, but hell, why stop hoping now?